Pogba to release own cinematic Pogverse to explain what in the name of jaysus is going on

Following up on the highly successful Pogmentary where Pogba Pognounced he was Pogmoving to PogJuventus, Paul Pogba is set to expand the series into a cinematic universe where he delves into what in the name of holy shite jaysus almighty is going on between him, his brother, and Mbappe. The first phase of films is expected to be released soon with:

  • Born Turin
  • In2Deep: Playing As a Holding Midfielder
  • An untitled spin-off where Kanté and Matuidi carry Pogba’s bags
  • Disdain: Rise of Graeme Souness
  • Inconsister Act: The Musical
  • Pogba Origins: Pogba Emoji
  • An untitled production in the vein of 12 Angry Men where players debate if Ole Gunnar Solskjær should have to get his coaching badges to be appointed permanent Manchester United manager
  • An untitled buddy comedy where Paul Pogba and Gareth Bale play two superstars who don’t want to play for and aren’t wanted at their clubs. When they first meet they don’t get a long but then they learn they are not so different.
  • A potential streaming series following the wacky exploits of Pogba’s hairdressers.
  • Civil War: Pogba Brothers
  • A slapstick body-switching comedy where Pogba and Mbappe inadvertently rub a witch-doctor the wrong way leading to them having their bodies switched. The two take a road trip to try and find a cure, but what they actually find is you can’t run away from growing up. Tentatively titled WitchDoctor Which Doctor?

Critics expect the films performance at the box office to be very good on occasion but for the most part frustrating.


Haaland’s Mam Encourages Him To Let The Other Players Have A Go Too

Having seen her son score 400 goals in his past five games, Erling Haaland’s mam has reminded her son that part of playing team sports is making friends.

Ms. Haaland, who for reasons never quite explained has the mannerisms of an Irish mother, signed her sun up to a play for Manchester City for the year in a bid to help her son meet people his own age with the same interests after relocating from Germany over the Summer. While Erling has found the art of scoring a goal easy to come by, one thing still alludes him… the idea that sharing is caring.

Over dinner Haaland’s mam, known as Maaland probably, told her little Erling that the other players won’t want to play with him if he doesn’t give them a go at scoring goals as well.

“It’s nice to win, but the most important part of playing in the English Bundesliga is making new friends”

Confused, Haaland asked if he had done something wrong, to which his mam replied by informing him he’s a lovely lad and that the other players would love to be his friend when they get to know him.

Haaland’s mam later wrote a note to Pep Guardiola explaining his son was having a problem with sharing and to keep an eye on it. It is expected that Pep will move Haaland to a inverted full-back position and play six false nines to try and encourage Haaland to let his teammates have a go at scoring too.